Oh the irony...Happy Birthday Maeve!!

The irony is not lost on me that the child I prayed the longest and hardest to conceive is now the child that requires the most prayers to parent.

Adelle was two before Joel and I decided maybe we did want a second child. Looking back now, with the experience of parenting others, Adelle was not a difficult child. But at the time she was a lot to handle. I was working full time and Joel was commuting to school 4 hours a day. Having one child was challenging. But by the time Adelle was 2,  I was baby hungry. It took six months to convince Joel it was a good idea. Then six months to conceive baby #2 (affectionately called baby tiger by Adelle). Three months later I miscarried. Of course Joel was off on a film shoot. My little brother and his girlfriend, now wife, came to help me through that night. Joel walked in the door 15 minutes after they left, having cleaned up the bathtub and stood guard in case I fainted in the shower. That is love I tell you. Thanks Jon and Tara. But the best thing Joel did for me after that was leave town for 6 weeks to film. Seriously. I was an emotional wreck. I blame the hormones for my inability to control my crying. Joel just didn't know how to help and I felt bad because he felt bad. I had no idea how to get myself under control. By the time he came home I was back to myself. Thank goodness. 

Six months later I finally got pregnant with Maeve. So you can imagine that 2.5 years after that baby hunger started, to finally hold my Maeve was pretty amazing. Little did I know what I was in for. But that memory of how much I wanted Maeve to be a part of our family helps deal with the challenges she brings to it. 

I should be grateful for her. Because of sweet Maeve I could write several series for my blog such as:

• How to motivate the unmotivatable child.
• How to parent a strong-willed child.
• Parenting without breaking their stubborn spirits. 
• 100 things to do instead of beating your child. 

In all seriousness, I am so happy that Maeve is a part of our family. How could I not be happy about someone as funny and creative as her? I try to keep a journal each night about how I saw God's hand in my life that day. As I flip back through it, I  have recorded some funny sayings from Maeve. Here are a few:

• "I want to make something for Adelle so she will like me" -Maeve
  "If you are nice and say kind things,  she will like you" -Me
  "It is easier to just make her something" -Maeve
• "I hate you more than soup!"
• "Give me all the juicy details" (when I was telling her a story)
• "Don't worry Mom, I have an infinite amount of kisses" (when discussing saving her kisses and  not kissing the strange neighborhood boy)
• And this poem she wrote to send with the flip flops we decorated for children in Nicaragua:
             "Sorry you live in a junkyard but that is okay
               flip flops are here to save the day."
               (I didn't send the poem)

I think God knew that I needed her as much as she needed me. And that is still true today. She tells me she is never going to leave me. She plans to buy a house next door and live by me forever. And you know what? It is going to be freaking awesome to watch Maeve try to parent a child just like her. 

Happy 7th Birthday. I love you Maeve. xoxo

Immunizations are a special kind of hell...for parents

I should be packing but instead I am busy blogging. Total procrastination. It is just that all these weeks as a single parent are giving me such great material for the blog.

You want to know something that is really fun? Taking four children to the dentist, then to the pediatrician back to back because you didn't write the first appointment in your calendar and you are really just lucky that they aren't at the same time. And you couldn't change them because you only have one day off a week and your health insurance ends in two weeks.

The dentist was fun. Roman was an angel through his cleaning and a devil through the dental exam. The dentist checked his teeth each time he opened his mouth to scream. Needless to say I was already a bit frazzled before I even got to the pediatrician.

And Maeve needed a shot.

Apparently hepatitis A is a bigger risk in Utah so the schools require 2 shots there when Kansas requires only one. Go figure. I can't in good faith sign the waiver for religious reasons. Maybe they need a waiver for immunizations simply for the hell they are for parents.

I have a little PTSD regarding them that dates back to Adelle's 5 year shots. She was wearing pink cowboys boots. During the battle of the shot she nailed the nurse right in the shin. The nurse grit her teeth and told me that maybe next time I could have her wear different shoes.

But Maeve wins the contest.

After I held Roman down screaming through his entire exam, the doctor opened the door to exchange places with the nurse who administers the shots. I wasn't quick enough. Maeve saw the open door and took off.

Remember that scene in My Best Friend's Wedding when Cameron Diaz is running away, her fiancee is chasing her, and Julia Roberts is chasing him? We reenacted it in the maze of exam rooms at the pediatrician's office. Maeve booked it, I was chasing her, Roman was chasing me, screaming like a crazy man, and Adelle was chasing Roman. (Did you keep that all straight?) After several turns in the maze I caught Maeve and carried her back to the exam room with my crying banshee behind me. A second nurse held Maeve, because I had to hold Roman, while she received the shot.

As we were leaving one of the nurses suggested that their father comes next time to hold her down. Thanks for the advice lady.

Later that day I received a text from Joel's mom saying sorry Roman was so difficult at the doctors appointment. I thought maybe Joel had called to tell her about it. When I saw her the next morning I asked how she knew. She informed me Maeve had called her and told her all about it, about how bad Roman was, and how good she had been at the doctors, and how the shot hadn't hurt at all.

Either she wanted to make sure Grandma heard her side of the story first or she figured she was good because she actually let them give her the shot. I am not sure which. All I know is that I consumed a lot of chocolate to recover from my day off.

Guilt

The funny thing about yesterday's post is that I don't feel guilty about embarrassing Adelle by publicly sharing her first bra shopping experience. I feel guilty about throwing the students I work with under the bus, with the phrase "the chance of making it to graduation is pretty slim."

For some students that is true. Some are on track for graduation. And a few graduated this year. But I learned two valuable experiences from working with the families of the most at-risk students in the high schools these last few years.

1. Don't judge. I can't climb inside their minds and without being there I cannot really understand why they make the decisions or behave the way they do. If I was privy to the workings of their brain, I believe I would find their behavior very logical and would realize that they are doing what makes sense to them within their frame of mind.

2. Where much is given, much is required. A few weeks ago I interviewed one of my students asking what she planned to do for employment after high school. She had no answer. I tried to prode a little, asking "when you were little what did you dream about becoming?" and "where do you see yourself in ten years?" Her response, "I've had a pretty crappy life. I didn't dream when I was little. And to be honest I see myself dead." After doing a suicide assessment with her, it was clear she was not currently suicidal, she just didn't expect to really live that long.

She is right. Her life has been extremely difficult. Some of it because of decisions she made, some of it because of the situation she was born into. I went home pondering about,  not so much why people have such hard lives, but more about what God must expect from us that have been so blessed from birth. It was humbling. And motivating. I have much work to do.

Bra Shopping

Two big events just happened in Adelle's life.

#1 She graduated from 5th grade. We gather together with all her classmates and their families to celebrate mediocrity. Having spent the last two years working with high school students whose chance of making it to graduation is pretty slim, I can understand why we now have graduations at kindergarten, 5th grade, and 8th grade. I mean we don't want someone to not have a chance to graduate from something right? 

Okay the idea is a little ridiculous but it was a big deal to Adelle so I tried to play my part. Though I really suck at these things. You see those flowers she is holding? Not hers. She borrowed them from her friend, who had two, so she could take that photo. WORST MOM EVER! Luckily I still have 8th grade and maybe 12th, if she makes it. 

#2 She started wearing bras. I was a better mom for this momentous occasion. I got a babysitter for the littles and took Adelle out for a treat before heading to Kohls, gushing on about what a big moment this was, you know like embarrassing moms do.  Then I chose all the cute padded bras I could find for her to try on.  

She informed me that the point is for people not to notice her breasts. Or maybe she meant her bra? Because lets face it, this child is not going to be well-endowed. Either way, we walked out with three sports bras. After she informed me that bras are uncomfortable. Tell me something I don't know girl. 

Adelle noticed the other day that I hadn't updated this blog in a year. She tried to lay the guilt on thick since I update my knitting blog fairly regularly. This post should put a stop to those guilt trips for a bit. And confirm that I am the meanest, most embarrassing mom around. Sorry if you were hoping to take that title. :)

I love you Adelle! xoxo